Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Aviation Humor. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. 10. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. 4. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? 17. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Read more. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. Good judgment comes from experience. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? It was PRIVATE. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? 14. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I will take the both of you for a ride. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Me: Hello? Then one day I couldnt find it. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. She told me she warships them. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. It was sheer brilliance. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? A drill serGENTLEMEN! Pilots 5. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. This happened several times times throughout the flight. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. I just put them all together for your amusement. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". [Answered]. So I quit ordering it.. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? 3. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Nothing, she said. Its a NO FLY zone! You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Of course, he responded. 28. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. He is the Founder and . Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Its not weak, he replied. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. No, we dont, she said. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. Attention! It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Divert your course NOW! Speed is life. We are directly under the moon.. But I had the last laugh. The other replied, Not me! Are you sure you followed the recipe?. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Takeoffs are optional. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Pizza de Resistance Rodrigues there? The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Why? I asked. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. with someone braver than you.'. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Read more. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Now, lets try it again! For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. The reason? One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Caller: Is Sgt. There are many branches of the military. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. I was very nervous, she said. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Rodrigues there? Long Haul For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. 10. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. 5. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Why Do We Celebrate It? The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. 2. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? It was sheer brilliance. Later, I spoke with Mom. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? How tough? Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! You had tents?" Bad altitude. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. 29. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. (pointing at the sky). Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. What does ARMY mean to you? 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? Altitude is life insurance. Reply: No, I say again. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Do you have change for a dollar? There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Where are you from? A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? SUB sandwiches! When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. R-i-i-ing!) The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. 4. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. 8. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. They bagged six. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. ! The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Marines Say OOOOORAH! The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Caller: Do you have his right number? A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. A friend paid my mother a visit. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Louis, I grumbled. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Why won't you kiss me? 11. Aeronautical Humor. Killed bin Laden. 12. Anecdotes 1. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. 65. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Even his son turned up. 64. And )second He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. 40. What would As A.J. As A.J. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. She also liked her scotch. The INFANTry! You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Co-Pilot: What?!. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Did you hear about the big accident on base? To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. The Marine said Are you crazy? The c.i.a. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. 66. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. SUB sandwiches! 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Individual use is by implied consent. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Ocean Pearl, I answered. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. 44. USN: Helos Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. 32. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Did it work? Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Aircraft Engineers 1. Stay out of clouds. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old.