What if I want to have a crappy day? ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. ", 96. Yeah, the public sucks. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. ", 36. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago "Everyone smiles in the same language. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! I think. Change). ", 117. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' He saw it from a . ", 29. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. This information is used to pick out ads delivered by the platform and assess the ad performance and its attribute payment. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. They should be giving their money to you. Everything He ever makes dies. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Like the public. ", 37. "I have certain rules I live by. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Enjoy! ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. The _omappvs cookie, used in conjunction with the _omappvp cookies, is used to determine if the visitor has visited the website before, or if it is a new visitor. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. They dont give a fuck about you. George Carlin's 'Wake Up America' bit went viral in July 2020. Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. At all. Just like homeless people. ", 21. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. ", 64. They don't want to hear from you. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. (LogOut/ ", 31. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. ", 7. This is the best we can do folks. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. He missed this one. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. A Death! -George Carlin There you are. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Then you live in an old age home. You only get to hear cats. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. ", 75. It will not be with jack-boots. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? That doesnt help them. "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ", 7. A cat . It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. "So, have a little fun. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. ", 55. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. I don't like cats. Its a big club and you aint in it. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. Everybody complains about politicians. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. ", 15. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. ", 122. ", 92. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. They should be more vivid. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. Everybodys going to save something now. ", 57. Transcribed part of speech begins at 10.33 13 May 1999, National Press Club, Washington DC, USA This is an incomplete transcript made by Raven Developers . ", 30. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. They own everything.. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. ", 19. It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. It helps in improving the performance. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. These days, 'Trajedi. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. Everybody's . ", 125. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. But once the child is born? Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. After that, they don't want to know about you. After that, they don't wanna know about you. It seems only right. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. You have owners. The rights and the rights of property. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. ", 118. "It helps to remember this.. And I didn't really care in the first place. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. And nobody seems to notice. They own all the important land. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. That doesnt help them. Germany lost the Second World War. ", 14. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. Laugh until you gasp for breath. ", 97. I'm used to dogs. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. "Forget the politicians. After that, they dont wanna know about you. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. As politicians and social media commentators weighed in on . "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. ", 69. George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. ", 24. ", 6. ", 77. ", 34. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. An Adobe Analytics cookie that uses a unique visitor ID time/date stamp to identify a unique vistor to the website. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. You know what they want? It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. You dont. Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. ", 18. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. ", 38. "Don't give your money to the church. Carlin also said conservatives claim theyll do anything for the unborn. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. This cookie, set by DataXu, tracks the advertisement report which helps to improve the marketing activity. George Carlin Quotes On . This cookie is set by Facebook to display advertisements when either on Facebook or on a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising, after visiting the website. Yeah, the public sucks. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. "I have as much authority as the Pope. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. Now I feel better. And they all vote. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? ", 62. RIP George Carlin. This is the best we can do, folks. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. Nobody seems to care. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Board Messages . He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. "Never argue with an idiot. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. They own and control the corporations. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. The session information includes the identity of the user, recently visited links and the duration of inactivity. Thats right. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. ", 103. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. - Doc Holliday. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. I took his shoes. It doesn't matter what side you're on. ", 49. They own all the important land. I'm your huckleberry. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. You have no right to complain. Because you have the illusion of choice. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. ", 60. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. ", 74. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Others see it half empty. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 01. Say what you want about America land of the free, home of the brave we got some dumb**s motherf**kers floating around in this country, Carlin says over the images. Why? ", 68. George Carlin. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Teach them to question what they read. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. "There's a humorous side to every situation. How do school teachers handle this? "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. ", 42. No nothing. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? ", 52. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. ", 59. This cookie is set by Eloqua. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. They dont care about you at all. ", 2. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. ", 53. 42. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. ", 89. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. Amazon Pay uses this cookie to maintain a "session" that spans multiple days and beyond reboots. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. You think your current financial. ", 107. You're down to seven. ", 4. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. AWSALB is an application load balancer cookie set by Amazon Web Services to map the session to the target. No president has done right by us. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.